Mama

October 1, 2024
A memoir proposing a wider, more inclusive definition offamily. Hargrove's candid, straightforward narrative touches numerous social issues, including addiction, incarceration, trauma recovery, and the shaky legal ground of LGBTQ+ families. When she was 24, her third half sibling was born, and Jonathan's toxicology screening at birth placed his health, safety, and guardianship in question. Intimately familiar with her mother's crack cocaine addiction--Hargrove was herself raised primarily by her grandparents--she was determined to give her new half brother a measure of stability away from relapses, drug raids, and volatile relationships. Persuading an aunt to sign the paperwork "on the verbal condition that I would do the heavy lifting," the author became Jonathan's temporary guardian. Just months later, her mother died, and Hargrove fought for permanent custody of her half brother with the reluctant support of her extended family. While this battle inevitably revived traumatic memories from her own childhood, Hargrove is most concerned here with suggesting a path forward for others who come to "family" from nontraditional starting points. Personal reflections on the nature of caregiving, her LGBTQ+ identity, and the roots of her determination to become Jonathan's mother intertwine with accounts of clearing bureaucratic hurdles and taxing visits with Jonathan's biological father. In the second half of the text, Hargrove pivots to describe her efforts to construct a family and get free of her past with the help of a romantic partner. The pace accelerates at this point, whisking through years of ups and downs at a steady clip, and at times the rapid pace muffles the impact of the emotional trials and rewards the author delineates. Nonetheless, her story provides an accessible, encouraging model of how to construct a family with hope and intention. Quietly revelatory and affirming.

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September 30, 2024
Hargrove (Good Mom on Paper) recounts adopting her younger brother after her mother’s death in this moving memoir. Hargrove’s mother, Lisa, who was addicted to cocaine and shuffled in and out of prison, placed the author in the care of her maternal grandparents. When Hargrove was 24, shortly after she graduated from Bard College, Lisa got pregnant, and Hargrove decided to become the legal guardian of her infant brother, Jonathan, to keep him out of the foster care system. The weight of that decision increased when Lisa died less than a year later, and Hargrove had to raise Jonathan alone, without help from the boy’s erratic father. After meeting and falling for a Sri Lankan woman named Dinushka, Hargrove adopted Jonathan and moved to suburban Connecticut. There, she and Dinushka weathered homophobia from Dinushka’s parents, bullying from their conservative neighbors, and behavioral issues that Jonathan developed after he entered school. Hargrove never loses sight of the difficulty of her situation, or the mistakes she’s made in handling it, and she forcefully illustrates the power of forging new connections to overcome childhood wounds. Readers will be inspired. Agent: Stacey Glick, Dystel, Goderich, and Bourret.