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When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart

Coping with Mental Illness, Substance Abuse, and the Problems That Tear Families Apart

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

Behind nearly every adult who is accused of a crime, becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, or who is severely mentally ill and acting out in public, there is usually at least one extremely stressed-out parent. This parent may initially react with the bad news of their adult child behaving badly with, "Oh no!" followed by, "How can I help to fix this?" A very common third reaction is the thought, "Where did I go wrong—was it something I said or did, or that I failed to do when my child was growing up that caused these issues? Is this really somehow all my fault?" These parents then open their homes, their pocketbooks, their hearts, and their futures to "saving" their adult child—who may go on to leave them financially and emotionally broken. Sometimes these families also raise the children their adult children leave behind: 1.6 million grandparents in the U.S. are in this situation.
This helpful book presents families with quotations and scenarios from real suffering parents (who are not identified), practical advice, and tested strategies for coping. It also discusses the fact that parents of adult children may themselves need therapy and medications, especially antidepressants. The book is written in a clear, reassuring manner by Dr. Joel L. Young, medical director of the Rochester Center for Behavioral Medicine in Rochester Hills, Michigan; with noted medical writer Christine Adamec, author of many books in the field.
In the wake of the Newtown shooting and the viral popularity of the post "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother," America is now taking a fresh look, not only at gun control, but also on how we treat mental illness. Another major issue is our support or stigmatization of those with adult children who are a major risk to their families as well to society itself. This book is part of that conversation.

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      October 7, 2013
      “My son is now twenty-eight years old.... On many occasions he has been very physically abusive to me.... Doctors have diagnosed my son with depression and borderline personality disorder; and he also has a problem with drugs.” With this anecdote, psychiatrist Young, the medical director of the Rochester Center for Behavioral Medicine and a specialist in working with the mentally ill and their families, begins a moving and vitally important book on mental illness and parenting. Intended for parents of troubled children, the book also serves as an excellent introduction to mental illness for anyone who has known a troubled family. Cowritten with self-help author Adamec, the well-organized book includes sections discussing the difficult situations that parents face if the adult child is living at home, and incisive guides to dealing with manipulative behaviors. Later chapters address the disorders that cause difficult behaviors, as well as the symptoms of those disorders, from child neglect and abuse to suicide. The final section encourages parents to take care of themselves first: managing sleep and health; dealing with unhelpful comments from friends; and knowing when it’s time to walk away. The book offers practical advice, stories, and resources—and, perhaps most importantly, comfort for any parent facing one of the biggest parenting challenges. Agent: Roger Williams, New England Publishing Associates.

    • Library Journal

      Starred review from November 15, 2013

      Psychiatrist Young and author Adamec (The Encyclopedia of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse; How To Live with a Mentally Ill Person) address parents who suffer financially and emotionally as they try to save their adult children from dysfunctions such as committing crimes or alcohol and drug abuse. According to the authors, mental illness and substance abuse are at the core of most problematic behaviors, and so they focus on topics such as having a child forcibly committed, dealing with the criminal justice system, and coping with suicidal behavior. The authors also discuss setting limits, taking care of oneself, and the possibility of having to face reality and walk away. VERDICT A valuable book for parents of out-of-control young people.

      Copyright 2013 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

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